


Gone Adrift

by Aespren



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Being Lost, Frustration, Jearmin Week, M/M, Misunderstandings, Prompt: Lost Together, Rain, Takes place around chapter 55, canonverse, implied self-esteem issues, or 56
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-26
Updated: 2014-07-26
Packaged: 2018-02-10 11:41:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2023794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aespren/pseuds/Aespren
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jean held many qualities of a great leader. Sadly, none of those included directions.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Gone Adrift

Armin wasn't sure at what point their assigned 'quick surveillance of the area' had turned into lost wandering; but it had. And now, three hours later, he was left questioning just how it had turned out this way.

At some other point Jean's _'I know where we are'_ had turned into _'We're almost there'_ then into _'We've been here before. See? We're close!'_ until finally he had just stopped talking. Now when Armin asked him about it his only response was _'We'll find it, don't worry.'_

Armin was past the point of worrying.

The sun had set about an hour ago - or so he assumed, he was no longer positive he knew how long it had been - and after seeing Jean trip and fall _three_ times in the moonlight, cursing all the while, Armin was fairly positive that their search had been a success - there were no Military Police officers here. And if there were, then they were undoubtedly deaf.

Usually, Armin wasn't the type to allow himself to get lost. He was rather good with directions, as well as memorization, and exploring a new forest was a lot like learning a new way home from the river when he was a child. Even when he took a new route to avoid the bullies, he'd always manage to find his way back home. However, the constant shuffling of bases while running away from their enemies didn't allow for much time to get familiar with the terrain in these forests. They had only gotten here a few hours ago and the sun had already been getting close to the horizon at that point, plus he was tired, hungry, and distracted by the thought of finally being allowed to stop walking and well... he had slipped.

He had let Jean lead.

Now, Jean held many qualities of a great leader; superb 3DMG mastery, authoritative voice, ability to prioritize goals in battle. Sadly, none of those included directions.

Thus the two of them were now walking out in the middle of the forest with no idea where camp was, or where they even were. Without the sun Armin didn't even know what direction they were heading in. Not that it mattered because even if it was up he had no idea what direction _they_ were in.

"How much longer are we going to keep walking?" Armin's original desire had been to rest when they got to camp, but since taking this survey task with Jean he had since doubled his amount of walking for the day.

Jean ignored the question. "Come on, this isn't the worst thing that could happen to us. I mean, you could be stuck out here with Eren." It was the first thing that he had said for at least twenty minutes and Armin wanted nothing more than to tell Jean that he was wrong, just because he could.

So he did. "Actually, Eren has a better sense of direction."

He saw Jean falter in his step for a moment, and he wondered if he was going to fall again. But after a slight hop Jean was back to his normal stature, walking as if nothing had happened. "Funny," he said, though his tone said that it was anything but.

Armin wanted to sigh out of disbelief. He was no longer sure what words were best to describe Jean and Eren's relationship; friends, enemies, rivals? To be honest, he didn't really care. He just wanted to know how it was that the two of them somehow managed to remain oblivious to his respective relationships with the other. When he spent time with either of them not only did they spend time insulting each other, but they talked as if he _agreed_ with them. And while Armin could usually ignore this recurring act, he was a bit too tired -and annoyed - at the moment to deal with it maturely.

Thankfully, Jean seemed to have given up on the topic for the moment.

"We should fire a flare. We have one, don't we?" Jean posed the question, but never stopped walking.

Armin's consciousness focused onto the weight that pressed up against his side everytime he walked. It had been given to them as a way to alert the group if any enemies were spotted. They had only been given one colour flare - red, and had been instructed to fire it forty-degrees away from the direction of the campsite.

"We can't, they'll see us if we do," Armin pressed his hand up against the gun, as if to protect it.

"Isn't that the whole point?"

"Not them, the MPs. They'll know where we are and we'll be putting everyone in danger."

"What if we move away from the camp and fire it then?"

"That might be a good idea, except we don't _know where the camp is,"_ Armin was unable to stop the partial groan that escaped with his words. "If we did, we wouldn't need to move away from it."

Jean didn't reply. "Besides, even if we were far enough away from camp to fire a flare safely, they wouldn't come for us."

"Why not?"

"Why do you think we were only given one colour flare? It's a red flare. It's to let them know that danger is around. That's why we have to fire it away from camp, so as to throw any enemies watching in the wrong direction, to give everyone else enough time to escape. If we fire it, they aren't going to look for us. They're going to abandon us."

Jean was silent once more.

"Actually, I bet they're already planning to."

Jean stopped in his tracks and turned around, "How can you be so certain?"

"We aren't important enough." It was a fact.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Armin could tell from his voice that Jean was starting to get as exasperated as he was. He was angry, though not the same type of angry that he seemingly-reserved for Eren. It was less harsh than that. But it was enough to let Armin know that he was perhaps pushing a bit farther than Jean was capable of handing at the moment. He knew his words had been a bit harsh, but it was merely a side effect to his current mental state. When he got tired, he got irritable - or so Eren had told him. He didn't really notice the difference, himself. He was always blunt with words when it was necessary. But he knew enough to know that he was rubbing salt into the wound.

"It means that if we've gone missing then they probably think we were captured. So this area isn't safe. They need to protect Eren and Historia." Those two were their top priority. Jean and Armin, two soldiers who didn't amount to anything in the big picture of the war, weren't valuable enough to risk men finding. "They probably won't even be at the base once morning comes."

"What?" Jean was sounding more offended than anything at this point, as if it were Armin's fault that they were stuck out here. Perhaps that really was what he thought. But Armin couldn't deny the truth.

"If we got captured then they need to get out of there as quickly as possible."

"You think Eren would just leave without you?"

"He'd have to, he needs to stay safe." Or else all hope would be lost.

"Do you seriously think he cares about that!"

Armin stepped back, shocked by the temper which had manifested itself in Jean's voice. This time it _was_ the same anger that he used with Eren; the same voice he used when something vexed him so much that he was no longer able to put up with it. He had never used it on Armin before, and said boy could only question who it was that Jean was really angry at. It seemed most likely to him that this was Jean's way of arguing with himself more than anyone. If he told himself that Eren wouldn't leave without Armin, then it let his mind rest easy. Armin decided that was the reason.

The blond stopped, holding his ground. He needed to remain calm in this situation; they both did. He hadn't said anything wrong. He had only been stating the truth, and Jean knew it.

"What's that supposed to mean?" This time it was Armin that poised the question. What was left to understand? The fact that they were missing meant that the area wasn't safe. They wouldn't risk their mission for their two lives.

"What do you think it's supposed to mean? I'm sure you're not oblivious to how much he cares about you," Jean muttered, the resentment in his voice apparent, but nothing out of the usual when it came to speaking about Eren.

Had he gotten it wrong? Was Jean actually angry at _him?_

"I'm getting sick of you always trying to explain everything logically. Eren wouldn't give a fuck what Levi says he has to do if it meant you were going to be left in danger. Hell, I bet he's out here right now," Jean spat out the words, as if he resented even thinking them. "You know it's true."

Armin didn't reply. He knew Jean was right; it was just too difficult for him to admit. He didn't want to be the reason that Eren risked his life. He'd done it before, and Eren had nearly lost it. Armin thought he actually had. For Eren's sake, he would just have to hope that Mikasa, who was much more level-headed, would be able to hold him back if the situation ever arose.

"Listen, I'm sorry. I'm just frustrated."

"Yeah... me too," Armin admitted.

"How did we get so far off course?"

"I don't know, you led the way."

"No, not that. How did we come to fighting against humans? What happened to protecting your fellow man, and saving humanity? Now we're stuck out here hiding from other humans and you say the ones on our side are going to abandon us." His words were heavy, _thick_ , like the air that currently hung around them.

"Come on, we're not completely lost yet." The blond felt a weight rest onto his shoulder, and he looked up to meet the hazel eyes that were filled with new-found determination.

And that was when the first drop of rain hit his nose.

"You're kidding me," was Jean's first reaction.

"I didn't say anything."

Jean let out a disheartened groan, as if he had no anger left to give.

"We need to grab shelter."

-

Shelter, in this case, consisted of a tree with branches that hung so low that the two of them had to bend their knees in order to fit under.

"This is bad. We're lost, it's dark out, and now it's raining."

"I thought you loved the rain," Jean said, and Armin knew that he was teasing him. One time, while they were at their previous base, both of them had volunteered to take the patrol shift while it was raining. Armin may have been just a _little bit_ too enthusiastic about the whole thing, something that Jean apparently would not let him live down. Sure, he liked the rain. He liked the ocean. He liked water. But that didn't mean he liked being lost out here, at night, in the cold _while it was raining._

"Not at nighttime!" Armin rebutted.

"Are you sure you don't want to go jump in a puddle or something?"

"That was one time!" ...That Jean knew of. Regardless, Armin knew his face was flushing, and he looked away. Not that it mattered in the dark.

"Well, at least our cloaks are waterproof," the other said, apparently done with his mocking.

"Yeah."

"We're going to be out here all night, aren't we?" He asked, and Armin could only look back at him, not wanting to voice the answer outloud.

The rain continued to fall, filling the silence in for them. It was a welcome noise, preferred to the awkwardness that had been growing between the two for the last few hours.

When he was young, his grandfather had explained to him how rain worked. How the water was carried up to the sky and how the clouds that he looked up to everyday were actually formed by the water. The clouds were free, able to fly over the walls anytime they wanted, only bowing to the wind that moved them along. But then they would escape the sky in the form of rain. On those days, when the water fell into the wall, he would run outside to the river and watch as the rain would rush down the bowed walls, letting itself join the stream until it went through the bars that led to the outside. It could always escape.

Eventually, he was told, it would make it to the ocean. And once he had found that out, he had wanted nothing more than to just be a drop of rain. He knew other kids would find it stupid, but he couldn't help but dream. At least then if he got lost then he'd always be able to make his way back to the sky, back home.

"Man, how clichéd can we get."

"Huh?" Armin's attention was brought back to reality. For a moment, he had forgotten that the rain was currently unwelcome.

"This situation."

"What about it?" He wasn't sure how to answer the question, or even what Jean meant.

"It's just like those cheap romance stories you see at market stalls."

"Really?" Romance stories?

"Yeah, two people stranded out in the rain together with nothing to rely on but each other."

"If you say so." If you asked him, they seemed to be disagreeing with each other more than 'relying' on each other. The idea was nice though...

"For a kid who spent so much time in the library you really didn't read many books, did you?"

"I did, but they were never stories." He had loved story books as a child. He would lie in bed waiting for his parents to read him one every night. He had always been a very docile child, but this was the one thing he was demanding about. If his parents said they were too tired or too busy he wouldn't listen. He'd just keep on asking and crying and stomping his feet until he got his way.

After they left him, his grandfather had tried to take up the tradition, but he had refused. He said he wouldn't go to sleep until his parents returned and read one to him. It had taken him a while to understand that would never be possible.

After that, he only read stories when he was alone.

The library didn't have any books of the sort though. All of the resources there were factual. Yet it had still managed to be extremely limited in the information it actually gave...

"Exactly, you never read anything interesting."

"Actually, the books in the library were very interesting. There was one time I read one about the reproduction system of the female body and-"

"Stop," Jean halted him, raising his hands up slightly as if he physically needed to block the words. "I went to that class. I don't need to know any more."

"But there's so much they left out. Did you know that during childbirth-"

"Nuh-uh, no. You said the magic word. That's all I need to hear."

"Magic word?"

"Forget it. Just don't say anything more about it," Jean insisted.

"But you might need it someday," Armin offered. Sure, it wasn't the most pleasant of information, but it could come in use. Jean had always seemed to him to be the type that would want to have a family someday; to be with someone he cared about.

Just thinking about it made Armin bite his lip.

"No..." Jean's voice was hesitant, and there was a small pause before he whispered, _"Maybe Not."_ It was barely audible over the crashing of the rain.

"Right... of course not." He had forgotten for a moment they were members of the Survey Corps. They didn't start families, or have kids. They died.

"' _Of course not?'_ What's that supposed to mean?" It was the third time that phrase had been uttered that night, and the blond began to worry if perhaps they were both starting to get a bit tired. Maybe that's why nothing was making sense anymore. Regardless, he didn't want to cause anymore misunderstandings or anger.

"It doesn't mean anything."

Jean was the one biting his lip now. It seemed Armin had been too late to stop any problems.

The silence took over for a minute, and the two remained standing up against the tree, getting hit by the occasional drops of water that trailed down the leaves. Jean started to undo the supports that held up his gear. He slid off the bulky pieces of metal, setting them directly on the ground.

"What are you doing?"

"What does it look like? I'm taking this stuff off so I can sit down comfortably."

"You can't just leave it there, it'll get wet. Wrap it up in your cloak."

"What, why? Then _I'll_ get wet."

"The cloaks are to protect our gear, not us." Armin wondered if Jean had forgotten the instructions they had been given in training, or just didn't care. As far as the government was concerned, that gear was more valuable than they were. And while Armin rested assured that Captain Levi and the others didn't think the same way, it didn't mean they would respect Jean's choice to let his gear sit on the soaking ground.

"Huh?" Seemed Jean didn't share the same mindset.

"The only reason we get the cloaks is because we need to keep our gear from getting rusted. That's what they told us during training."

"What, are you saying we have to give our cloaks to our gear and let our own asses get wet?

"I guess so. It's either that or we keep our gear on all night."

"Here... I'll use my cloak and you can keep yours on," Armin offered, undoing the accessory that kept the cover wrapped around his shoulders. He placed it on the ground, and got to work on undoing his own gear.

"What? But then you'll get wet."

"Yeah, but this gear is getting heavy and we're going to be stuck here for a while. Better that one of us gets to keep it, right?"

"Then you should be the one."

"Why?"

"Because... I just think it should be you, okay?"

The mumbled words weren't a real answer, though Armin suspected that Jean had one. He tried to ignore all the possibilities that rushed to his head, and instead focused on the one or two that told him it was because he was smaller; weaker. Jean was taking pity on him.

"We really are going to be out here all night..." The brunet mumbled, returning the conversation back to normal.

"Yeah..."

"Does this mean we'll have to sleep out here?"

"Either that or stay up all night." Armin didn't want either option. He wanted to be back at their new base, with everyone else, where he could go spend time with Eren and Mikasa like he usually did when things got awkward in his mind.

"You know Levi is going to make us do a ton of work once we get back to make up for this. We should probably take any chance to sleep we get," Jean said, ignoring the plausibility that Levi and the squad wouldn't even be around by the time they woke up. Armin decided he would do the same, to make things easier.

"Yeah... Besides, it's not like I haven't slept on the ground before."

Jean looked at him for a moment as if he had said something odd, before chuckling lightly. "Oh right, I forgot about that. We had a few nights that we spent outside during training."

"Right..." It hadn't been what Armin had been referring to, but he agreed anyway to avoid bringing up the truth. When Eren, Mikasa, and he were younger, and working on the fields, they didn't have the luxury of getting beds to sleep on. If they were lucky they'd have a wooden floor, but there were times when there wasn't enough room and the three of them would be left to sleep out in a shed on a dirt floor, _if they were lucky._

He remembered how the they would spend the nights huddled up for warmth next to his grandfather, who would stretch an arm over the three of them to keep them safe in the night.

Until they took him away, that is.

After that there had been a lot of space, and they had even received bunks. But they didn't care, and had spent every night huddled up in a single bed using each other for warmth.

Armin silently sighed, looking away so that Jean wouldn't see the tears that threatened to run down his face.

"I'm going to sleep now then," Jean said. Armin looked back, only now noticed that Jean had taken the opportunity to lie his own cloak flat across the ground so that he would have a dry surface to sleep on.

"You're um- you're welcome to join me if you want," he said, moving over to the edge to show that there was still a fair amount of room, though Armin noticed that he had laid the cloak out crosswise, leaving no room for his legs on the fabric. Levi would not be happy if he saw the dirt stains that would undoubtedly form on the pants.

"It's your cloak."

"Yeah, and you gave up yours to keep both our equipment dry. So it's only fair we share mine."

Armin opened his mouth, but he had no argument. They were both going to be in major trouble either way, so if this was what Jean wanted, who was he to say no?

So he gave in, lying down next to the brunet on the make-shift tarp.

It was different than lying next to Eren or Mikasa, or even lying down next to Jean when they were together as a squad. It wasn't the first time they had slept like this, next to each other. It was just the first time that they happened to be alone. For some reason, this made him tense.

It was only when Jean relaxed, letting his back press against Armin, that the blond was able to tell that he had been just as stressed. With that knowledge, it somehow made the situation easier to bear.

Still, there was at least one part of him that remained on edge, telling him that this was different than usual.

Armin closed his eyes, pretending he didn't know the reason why.

-

A pair of eyes opened, but the only thing that greeted them was darkness. Where was he?

The surface he lay on was uneven, and he could tell through the thin sheet that lay below him that he was sleeping on otherwise-uncovered ground. The night around him was dark, and it was with bleary eyes that he managed to look up and see the faint slivers of moonlight that came in through the cracks in the roof. On his neck was the familiar comforting sensation of warm breath, and along his back he felt the pressure of another body that pressed up against his.

He knew where he was now.

But where were Eren and Mikasa?

He couldn't remember, but something told him that they were alright; that he shouldn't worry.

So he turned back around, pressing his back against the other body, and pulled his grandfather's arm over him, just as he did every night. It felt lighter than usual. Perhaps he was finally getting muscles like Mikasa, or perhaps the lack of food had taken a toll on his grandfather's weight. Either way, the comfort it provided was still the same, and it was only when he clutched it close to his chest that he was able to fall back asleep.

-

"What the hell are you two doing?"

Armin's eyes cracked open, meeting the morning light that was here much too early. He blinked a few times, before snapping them wide-open as he met the glare of his commanding officer. "Captain Levi! Sir!"

"I was going to ask if you got lost while taking a crap, but it seems like you two had other intentions."

Armin wasn't sure what the Captain was talking about. But he soon figured it out as he felt a warmth from around his waist disappear and he looked down just in time to see Jean's hand sliding away.

Both of the soldiers jumped up, doing their best to look orderly. But he knew it was pointless. He wanted nothing more than to pull his hood up over his head, cover his entire face until he couldn't see the world around him. But he wasn't even wearing it. So instead he just looked down, hoping his long hair would be enough to bury the shame that had taken over his cheeks.

"It's not like that sir!"

"I don't even care. Just hurry up and get back to camp. If I have to hear Eren yell either of your names one more time I'm going to ban the entire squad from saying them ever again."

Both soldiers remained quiet.

"Well? What's the matter, Kirstein? You look like you're about to shit your pants right now."

"Sir- I. No, Sir!"

"No what?"

"No I'm not going to shit my pants, sir!"

"Good, cause you're already covered in enough shit. You too, Arlert."

Armin looked down at himself. The entire right side of his pants was covered in dirt and grass stains, as was the same for Jean.

"Hurry up and go clean yourselves. I'm not going to put up with soldiers who look like they slept in their own vomit."

"Right sir!" Armin shouted, pulling his arms into a proper salute. He wasn't sure if it was appropriate for this situation, but an order was an order, and Jean seemed to be matching his movements so perhaps it wasn't wrong.

"But um, sir," Armin said, stopping Levi from walking away. "Aren't you going to lead us back to camp?"

He had asked the wrong question. Or so he assumed, from the look of displeasure on his superior's face.

"You just follow this pathway. That's what it's for. Leading the way."

Levi turned, not bothering to wait for a reply, and walked down the path as if he was giving them visual instructions.

Both Jean and Armin stood there wordlessly, waiting for him to be out of sight. Once he was, it was Jean who broke the silence.

"I told you we weren't lost!"

Armin had no words.

**Author's Note:**

> This is yet another example of how the planned length of a fic is nowhere near the completed length. I thought this would be under two-thousand words; I never expected it would be nearly five... Anyway, I thought this prompt was the most fun out of all the Jearmin Week ones, and I couldn't resist the chance to write about pointless wandering and chatting. And rain.
> 
> For the title I wanted something to do with being lost, but also relating to water. I know adrift usually implies being lost in a body of water, but I felt like it meaning off-track was relevant to both the story and the plot of the original manga, so I decided to use that. The water relation was a bonus.
> 
> If you liked the fic, I would love to hear any feedback you have.


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